Don’t enable bad behavior, shut it down.
I see the enabling of bad behavior almost everywhere I go. I see parents turning a blind eye, making threats and not following through. I see grown adults not held accountable for their actions. I see excuses everywhere.
Everyone has an excuse, everyone is making excuses for other people, and everyone wants to be the exception. Take the blame and put it back on the individual, not a company, and not an institution. There needs to be individual blame and accountability.
People have a hard time handling blame and accountability. They were raised by parents who made excuses for them, who enabled their stupid decisions. They had parents that refused to teach their kids how to take responsibility. How to say “it’s my fault”. We live in a world where we must blame everyone else for our failures and shortcomings.
Go to the scene in any car accident, it couldn’t be the driver’s fault—it had to be someone or something else.
Go to any courtroom. Even blatantly guilty people refuse to accept blame and try and pass the blame to the circumstances or maybe even how the investigation was handled. They are not guilty because the police officer misspelled a word in the police report.
It’s genuinely rare to see someone say, “I’m sorry that was my fault”. Half the time I hear an apology it comes with 78 reasons they should be sorry because of someone or something else. Tell me I’m wrong. Anyone? Someone? Bueller?
Dads, shut down bad behavior. Shut it down fast, but also immediately. Don’t raise turds. Don’t raise members of society that refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. Dads, we need to teach our children to admit when they are wrong. That way they can avoid doing it again!! Screwing up, failures, and making mistakes don’t make you a bad person. They make you normal.
You become exceptional when you can own up to it for two reasons.
1.) Every time you own up to a mistake your brain is going to recognize it and find a way to not do it again.
2.) People will drop their jaws when you don’t try and squirm out of taking responsibility.
It’s sad when I see parents making excuses for their kids. Especially when their kids are full grown adults and they are still making excuses for them. Blaming other people, society, the government, the rules, the rigged system, the schools, the teacher, the economy, and the customers.
One of the biggest things I learned when I first worked for myself is customers like it when the buck stops with you. When there are no excuses, only solutions, customers are happy. They know when they call me I don’t have to get approval, I don’t have to find out whom to blame, I don’t have to hide behind the policy, I just correct whatever it is that they called for. I am 100% held accountable for anything and everything and I love it. I take the blame for every single mistake in my business. Which means I get to take the blame for the successes to! No matter who did what or what happens I am the end all, be all. Customers love that. They don’t have to deal with hotlines and 1-800 numbers, customer account numbers, pin codes, and recorded conversation, all to be told to eat lead or get disconnected altogether. They just have to call or email Townsend and he will take care of it.
Now, of course, I have to be able to actually do what I tell them I’m going to do. That speaks to the longevity of the accounts we have. Nobody wants to fire or replace the guy who doesn’t let them down. It’s not worth minute cost savings to deal with headaches and aggravations. You want to know why entrepreneurs and small business owners will always outmaneuver big corporate business? Because we are built to take the blame and then find a solution. Corporations only know how to blame other departments, so they do not get into trouble.
We were raised by parents who would not make excuses for us. We had to accept responsibility. We had to face consequences. We had to deal with reality.
Dads, don’t teach your kids to blame others. Don’t feed them the lie that they did everything they could and it’s someone else’s fault. Teach them how to find a way to make it their fault. I do this in baseball with Levi. It’s a team sport. Youth sports, especially baseball, are filled with mistakes and errors. I teach him even if they are getting crushed to keep his head up and play his best game. He has made a big improvement in that department, but started blaming losses on his teammates. Now we are working on how to make that his fault too. You’re helping them learn leadership skills by telling them to, “keep your head up, you’ll get the next one”.
We can make everything our fault. If we have a solid home life, strong morals, work ethic, and incredible self-worth it’s not a big deal.
To be clear I’m not suggesting any dad start destroying his kid’s self-confidence by blaming everything on him or her. There is a progressive build up in confidence and home life to teach accountability, leadership, and responsibility.
But if you see bad behavior confront it, immediately. No excuses. What they did was wrong, and it is critically important that dad tells them, so they learn and are consistent. Make sure mom and dad are on the same page. Discipline and consequences are important. We want to raise great adults. Well-rounded adults. Unless you want your kid living with you when they’re 30 years old hearing their excuses on why they can’t find a job, don’t enable bad behavior.
Feel free to submit stories and thoughts to Townsend@TownsendRussell.com and of course Find us everywhere:
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I’m Townsend Russell with 100% Dad – The Dad Group
Were preaching over here for Dads to step up, be real men, and real leaders of their homes.