It is okay to be a man. To act like a man. To feel like a man. In fact, it is important to embrace your testosterone and be a freaking man.
Dads — be a man.
What is a good dad?
Provide for your family. Make sure they have a roof over their head. Food in their bellies. Not all men are rich. But all men must provide for their families the necessities of life. All men must provide the basics of living and provide a stable home and a stable family. That is your calling. That is your responsibility Provide education and provide unconditional love. Provide discipline and consequences. Provide for your family.
Protect your family. Protect them from physical harm. Protect them from spiritual harm. Protect them from mental harm Protect them from evil. Dad is the protector. Make sure your family is living a lifestyle that keeps evil out of your family tree. Away from drugs, crime, illegal activity, idleness, laziness. It helps to be physically able to fend off a bad guy, or at least look the part so your not a target. Protect your family. That is your job.
Be the example in your home. Don’t just talk about hard work. Show them hard work. Don’t just talk about faith. Show them faith. Be the man you want them to grow up to be or to marry. Talk the talk AND walk the walk. Show them how to treat your spouse. Show them how to be a leader and yet a servant. Show them how to stand up for what is right. Show them how to fight when there is something to fight for. Show your kids, Hell shows your self what kind of man — what kind of dad you can really be. Help them become better than you. Live and teach YOUR values. Your morals.
Be the leader of your Home. It’s okay. It’s okay to be the Alpha. It’s okay to lead. It’s okay to be a man. But it is just as important to know what it means to be #1. When you are the #1 the alpha of your family. That really means you are not number 1 because you put everyone else ahead of you. As the leader, you put your wife’s needs ahead of your own. You put your kids needs ahead of your own. You must consider your wife and consider your kids in your daily and long-term decision making. Buying a boat you can’t afford and spending your weekends fishing instead of with your family is selfish. That’s not what a leader and a role model do. Spending you hours after work with your buddies drinking instead of with your family is not what a real man does. Buying things you can’t afford to impress people who don’t care what you have is not what a good dad does. Find ways to spend time with your family, because that is what a real man, a real dad does. Finding ways to spend time away from your family makes you a candy ass jabroni. Ya smell what I’m cookin’??
Let me explain how I rank the top 3 things in my life. God is #1. My wife is #2. My kids are #3.
My God who created me and loves me is more important than my wife and kids. He is #1. Luckily my God doesn’t ever try to divide me and me, wife or my kids. So there is no power struggle there. But my wife ranks higher than my kids. Absolutely. Which maybe some of you think is weird because this is all about being a dad. But you can’t be a good dad if your not a good husband. Show your kids how to treat their future spouse. How to honor and love your wife, their mom. And whatever you do and trust me they will try. Never ever, ever let those little devils divide you and your wife. They will respect you and they will respect mom. Or someone getting a butt-whoopin’. But no kid is going to play mom and dad against each other and get away scot-free. We shut that down real early. If mom says no don’t run to dad and ask. Mom and dad are a team. A united front. That’s the only way to vanquish the enemy. Which many times will be your own child.
How does a real man be a good dad: Country boy or city slicker. Republican or Democrat. Boots or loafers. Beard or clean shaven. You just have to want to be a good dad. It’s that simple. If you want to be a good dad then you will be there for your kids. You will do the things you need to do to provide, protect, and raise them well. You will spend time with them and want to be there. Being a good dad isn’t hard. You just have to give a crap. And time is probably the most important of all the things. Spend time with your family. And your kids. If I was forced to pick just one thing that is most important. I would pick time.
What if you work a lot. There is nothing wrong with working hard and even working a lot. But in your off time spend as much time with your family as possible. If you work a lot going out with pals is out of the question. Downtime is with he family. Long vacations are a big bonus. I think this is all my opinion, if dad is working a lot there has to be a strong mom at home. I think that is crucial. If there is no mom or mom cannot handle the heavy- heavy load of running the family alone then Dad should really sacrifice the workload and be at home more. I work a ton. It is up and down for me. Sometimes I work like crazy and barely see my kids for a month at a time. I’m up before they wake up and I’m home after they go to sleep. But I have a wife that can handle it. Not for too long but she can handle the heavy times. I have the added benefit of having light workloads other times. A couple of years ago from nearly a year and a half, I was able to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with my family almost every day. So it comes and goes. For our family, its less of a necessity and more about I enjoy working hard like that. If working hard means putting food on the table and barely getting by, then by all means. Work as hard as you need to. But I would also suggest finding a better way to make a living. That way it’s not your lifestyle, it’s just a season in your life.
What if you travel a lot. Traveling dads have it better in 2019 than any other year. There is so much free and easy to use the technology you can remain super involved with your family even from afar. I still think if you are not physically there frequently when you are home it’s super important to spend that time with your family, not escaping your family. Personally, I hate traveling without my family. It doesn’t make me happy, so I choose not to do it. I have strongly considered buying my family a monster RV to travel with me in the event I start traveling for work. Traveling Dads need to make sure they are ultra-disciplined in their values and Morales. Life on the road offers a lot of temptation and you’re going to have to confront that head-on and not even get close to crossing a line.
What if you are divorced?
I realize divorce is to large piece of today’s world. I wish it wasn’t. I come from a divorced mom and dad. Heck, I even got to watch a second divorce when I was a teenager. I truly dislike divorce. I don’t like what it does to the kids stick in the middle of it. Amicable or not. And I am the product of one, I turned out fine. I have my scars and for the most part, I’d like to think they made me stronger. I don’t ever want to see my marriage end. There are hard times. We’ve had a couple of really rough spells. I would rather see a dad, be a man and honor his vowels. Keep his word. Treat his wife right. In sickness and in health. In good times and in bad. Despite the temptation of something different and seemingly better luring you away. I want to see mom and dad survive the tough times and come out stronger. Show real commitment. Show unending love even when it seems impossible. Your still married and having a rough go, literally do whatever it takes to make it work. Go to counseling to air out the problems in a forum that will control outburst and anger. That’s step 1. Don’t separate. That is not going to help. Spend more time with each other, spend money on more dates, and babysitters, and vacation. Don’t tell me there is no money for that, you were going to blow your money on attorneys might as well blow it on something that might actually work. If you’re already divorced and there is no chance of getting back together you’ve got to work overtime. Your time is already cut in half if not more. Your influence is cut in half if not more. It’s easy for a divorced dad to take a back seat. To get pushed out of the picture by a mad mom or new stepdad. Even if it’s a losing battle fight for your kids. Show them you will do what it takes to be a part of their life. If that’s the only lesson you can teach show them unrelenting determination.
Can a good dad be poor? OF COURSE. Many are. Your worth a Dad has nothing to do with your net worth. If your kids know they are loved by dad and you are giving them your best then you are a good dad. Money just buys stuff and experiences. It provides more comfort. But kids don’t care. Kids would rather have a poor dad that loves them then a rich dad that barely interacts with them.
What about very rich. Rich dads need be very aware that their kids have a very different experience from other kids. They can easily turn into entitled little turds. It’s hard for a kid to appreciate the nice things you can provide unless they can experience the things other kids call normal. They need to understand and live real humbleness. Not fake humbles where you throw up the hashtag. Very Rich parents just have to realize their kids have a much higher % of becoming complete jerks to people with less money than them, they can be easily “bored with life”. Every parent wants to give their kids the life they never had, but you need to give your kids what you did have too. That’s just as important.
Feel free to submit stories and thoughts to Townsend@TownsendRussell.com and of course Find us everywhere:
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I am Townsend Russell with 100% DAD.
We’re preaching over here for Dads to step up, be real men, and real leaders of their homes.